Navigating Family Gatherings During the Holidays
The holiday season brings up a lot of mixed feelings for many of us. There’s the excitement of slowing down at work, the relief of a break from routine, and then there’s the anticipation of social interactions that sometimes feel like… work.
For some, this season activates grief. For others, it brings joy. Students get a month-long break. Businesses rush to close out the year (hello, taxes). And for many people, the holidays stir up an internal tug-of-war between resting, socializing, spending, and conserving energy.
I’ve always believed December is a time for rest. In my entire career, I’ve rarely worked more than two weeks that month. But leading up to that break, my schedule fills with clients trying to figure out how to navigate this season:
Being around family who may or may not feel safe
Managing difficult conversations
Preparing for triggers
Balancing their own wants and needs with everyone else’s expectations
One theme that always comes up is boundaries. What I notice is that many people assume boundaries have to sound rigid, formal, or perfectly scripted. But the most effective boundaries are warm, genuine, and rooted in who you are. They don’t always need a formal announcement.
Sometimes a boundary looks like:
• redirecting a conversation you don’t want to have
• stepping outside for fresh air when things get heated
• moving to another room
• taking a breath before responding
• choosing not to engage at all
Every boundary does not need to be declared. Many can be practiced quietly and compassionately.
With that in mind, here are a few ways to set boundaries with family and friends during the holidays in a way that feels authentic, grounded, and honoring of you.
Holiday Coping Strategies & Boundary Scripts
1. Emotional Grounding Before Family Interactions
Use these before entering a stressful environment:
• Compassion breathing: Hand over heart — inhale “This is a moment of stress.” Exhale “I’m offering myself compassion.”
• Anchor phrase: “I can be here without absorbing everything here.”
• Set a private intention: “I’m staying present, neutral, and self-protected.”
2. During the Visit: Quick Regulation Tools
• Step outside for fresh air
• Move to another room to reset
• Go to the restroom for 60 seconds of deep breathing
• Text a safe person
• Hold cold water, ice, tea, or hot chocolate
• Ground your feet into the floor, drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw
• Repeat: “I don’t have to react. I can observe.”
3. Boundary Scripts for Family Conversations
When comments feel judgmental:
“I’m getting uncomfortable. Let’s change the subject.”
When someone pushes for more than you want to share:
“I’m not able to get into that right now. Let’s keep things light today.”
If you’re not comfortable:
“I’m not comfortable with that. Let’s change the subject.”
If you need a moment:
“I’m going to step out for a moment and take a breather.”
If you want to redirect:
“Tell me about something positive that’s happened recently.”
4. Exit Strategies to Protect Emotional Safety
Choose or pre-plan a gentle exit:
• “I need to make a phone call.”
• “I’m going to take a quick walk.”
• “I’m stepping out to the car/living room/patio for a moment.”
• “I’m not feeling great — I’m going to head out early.”
Reminder: Leaving early is not failure. It’s self-care.
5. Post-Visit Decompression Plan
Create a routine that helps you release, reset, and return to yourself:
• Solo movie
• Warm shower
• Journal for 10 minutes
• Call a safe person
• Music playlist
• Tea + low-stimulation activity
• Early bedtime
• A calm playlist for the trip home
As you navigate this holiday season, please take care of yourself and your heart.
